Funny

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Family driven

Wonderful mother

my wife

My grandfather owned race horses and our family would always go to cheer them on. He named each horse after a different family member, with “rock” in the name somehow. Rock was his nickname. My mom’s horse, Rockin Roxanna did very well. Mine, Rocky Landin’ did not

Every time we went to the track my parents would give Andy and I each $2 to bet on grandpa’s horse. We could pick win place or show, but we had to bet on his horse. It taught me a lot about risk vs reward, since wins pay more but are harder to hit than place or show.

His race wasn’t until later in the day and all day I was noticing the payoff board. I noticed that “$2 trifecta box” was paying $100, $200, sometimes $500. I remember thinking that seemed like a good bet. $2 for a chance to win hundreds. In the next race, there were only 6 horses and I decided to try my luck at picking the top 3 for the trifecta.

For those of you who are horse noobs, let me explain something quickly: A trifecta means you have to pick the exact order of the top 3 horses (ABC). A trifecta BOX is a cool way to bet a trifecta in which you just have to pick the top 3 horses, but the order doesn’t matter. Well, in reality, a box is just a combination of 6 different trifectas. A tri-box is just 6 different bets (ABC, ACB, BAC, BCA, CAB, CBA). A tri-box costs 6 times the amount to bet it. I did not know this crucial piece of info at 12 yrs old.

I had the $2 to bet on grandpa’s horse and I had $10, which was to be Andy’s and my lunch money for the day. I decided I would risk $2 of my $5 lunch money on this “tri box” bet on this race where there were only 6 horses. I looked at the handicap sheet and it told me that horses 1, 3 and 4 were the top 3. I went with it.

I had never placed a bet before and I was a little nervous. I knew the law said you had to be 18 yrs old, but what the hell. Andy had done it. I’ll do it!

With just a minute or two before post time, I walked up and said I would like a $2 trifecta box on horses 1, 3 and 4 in the next race. The man behind the betting booth punched it in. It appeared as though I was going to get away with it!

I pulled out two dollars from my pocket and placed it on the betting window for him to take.

He printed the ticket and extended it towards me and said “Twelve Dollars”.

I corrected him “No, I just want a TWO dollar trifecta box”

“That’s a TWELVE dollar bet, son.”

My heart began to race. What had I done? What kind of voodoo math was this fellow pulling on me? Was I being scammed? Had I made a mistake? I remember him looking at me like if I didn’t pay up he would pulverize me. That’s how I remember it anyway.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ten dollar bill. I held it in front of my face at stared at it. My lunch money. Andy’s lunch money. Andy would kill me. Mom would kill me. I held it up and remember looking at it and thinking “I can’t lose this. I need this.”

The bell went off, as the horses left the gate. The race had started. The man quickly reached across the betting window and snatched the ten dollar bill from my hands. He laid the ticket on the counter. He had my $2, but he also had my $10. I had no money. All I had was this ticket. I can remember being extremely nervous and scared. I didn’t know what to do. But I know I wanted out of there.

I then remembered that the race had started! They were probably already through the first turn by now!

I ran like the wind to the finish line. The track was fairly empty and I was able to secure a spot on the front rail. I told no one of my colossal error. I told no one I was broke. I told no one I NEEDED the 1, 3, 4 trifecta.

I watched the big screen, it showed my horses in 1st, 2nd and 4th.

As the horses rounded the final turn into the stretch, the big screen went off and I couldn’t tell how my horses were doing. Please. Please. Please let it hit. Oh my God, what will I do if it doesn’t? It’s not that I wanted the money of the win, I wanted to not have lost the $10. I could go without a coke or hot dog for my gamble of $2, but this $10 was eating away at me.

The horses thundered across my view, and I intently focused on their numbers as they crossed the finish line.

1st. Mine.

2nd. Mine.

3rd. Can’t tell, dammit!

For an eterninty the big board was blank. It seemed like ten minutes……..

Finally, the unofficial results were posted.
1st = Mine
2nd =Mine
3rd =Mine.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only then was I able to tell my parents, my brother, my grandpa, and my uncle what had happened. I can remember my uncle telling me that if it were him, and the man took money from his hands, he woulda punched him in the nose. I can remember thinking how absurd this was (to me). I was tiny. As I recall, the big ugly hairy man behind the betting booth was exactly like Steve the Tramp from the Dick Tracy movie. I was so scared of him.

Once the results became official, they posted the “$2 trifecta box” winnings. It was just under $100, not the payday I had hoped for, but after all, it was a 6 horse race. So the risk wasn’t as high–another lesson learned.

Other than the $2 on my grandpa’s horse, I didn’t place another bet all day. I was 1 for 1. I made a $2 $12 bet and it paid almost $100. I was on top of the world. And I was hooked. Gambling is awesome.

Now-a-days, I don’t gamble versus the house too much. I know the negative expected value. So I treat it like an entertainment expense. But I trade stocks, start companies and invest in others. To me, they’re all forms of the old $2 trifecta box.

PS

Now on the big board, it lists the bet as a “$2 Trifecta” not “$2 Trifecta Box”. I’m guessing I wasn’t the only one confused.

Start with $1,000.

Bet on Virginia Commonwealth in the play-in game on March 16 to win. They were a 1.75 to 1 underdog.
They win, you have $2750.

Bet it all on VCU to beat Georgetown, 2.1 to 1 underdog.
They win, you have $8,525

Bet it all on VCU to win vs Purdue, 4 to 1 underdog.
They win, you have $42,625.

Bet it all on VCU to beat Flordia St, 1.7 to 1 underdog.
They win, you have $115,088.

Bet it all on VCU to beat Kansas, 7 to 1 underdog.
They win, you have $920,700.

PS They are 1.25 to 1 underdogs to Butler. If they win that, they’ll probably be 3 to 1 underdogs vs UK or UCONN. Ride em out and turn that 1k into $8.29 million. Go VCU Rams!

PS VCU is a case in point on why picking a perfect bracket is a 400billion to 1 shot.

Surprise, it didn’t work out how I planned. As I helplessly watched Brittany struggle with the pain I heard the doctor and nurses encouraging her, demanding more of her. I forgot completely about the gender. When the baby finally came out I was flat overwhelmed with emotion. I turned into laughing crying mess. I congratulated Brittany and told her she did a great job then unexpectedly heard “it’s a boy!”.

I had completely forgotten it could be a boy or a girl. My whole focus was on our child.

No barrage of images, just joy.

Now, the day after, as things have calmed, I find myself thinking about what Wyatt might do with his life. What goals will he have? Will he find happiness? I have to force myself to think about the things I thought would come natural–my life as it would be impacted by his. Instead I think of his life, and all that’s possible for him. He has a clean slate and a billion opportunities before him.

To an admittedly selfish person like me, this is coming as a pleasant surprise. Did my thought process just flip from me to him?

I had noticed this change with Brittany, and even with our dog Barren. But this is to a new degree. My concerns are secondary, at best.

I like it.

With contests online giving away 1, 5, 9 even 100 million dollars on a perfect bracket, the odds MUST be slim, right?

Right.

I’m a proud math nerd, and my favorite aspect of math is probability. Let’s get started:

Assumptions:

• You’re filling out a 64 team NCAA bracket (ignoring play-in games). FYI that means there are 63 games. In any single elimination tournament there is always 1 game less than the number of teams–since each game eliminates one team and all but one team (the winner) must be eliminated.
• You’re a better than average handicapper:
  • For four games (1 vs 16) you have a 99% chance of being correct
  • For another four games (2 vs 15) you have a 90% chance of being correct
  • For 8 games you have a 75% chance
  • For all remaining games, you’re so good, you can pick it right 60% of the time.

My assumptions are fairly ridiculous in that no handicapper is that good, but what the heck. It helps illustrate my point.

Your odds of having a perfect bracket are:

(0.99^4 * 0.90^4 * 0.75^8 * 0.60^47)

1 in 423,535,978,540

That is 1 in 423 BILLION. Remember, this assumes that you’re one heck of a handicapper. Change your odds to just 55% for the remaining games and it goes down to:

(0.99^4 * 0.90^4 * 0.75^8 * 0.55^47)

1 in 25,290,223,679,994

That is 1 in 25 TRILLION.

OK, let’s not get out of control. Let’s stick with the 60% number of 1 in 423 billion. Let me help you understand how impossible that is to achieve:

Here is your 1 in 423 billion challenge:

Find the right ping pong ball.  That’s it! (well, sorta…)

Somewhere there is a secret ping pong ball. Say its marked with an invisible ultraviolet marker.

You’re standing in the middle of the Indianapolis Colts football field. You are chest deep in a sea of  ping pong balls (5 feet deep), covering the entire playing field.  You need to pick the ONE ping pong ball that is secretly marked.

As you wade around you feel balls breaking under your feet. You wonder if that was the one. You move and a wave of balls moves with you, both away from you and filling in behind you. Which way to go? How deep to grab?

As you ponder the choices, you’re told that the ball could be at any NFL stadium in the country, or any college football stadium in the country, division I, II or III. There are also 50 balls on every seat in every stadium and 6,000 cars at each stadium–each car is also filled with ping pong balls. Pick your stadium, choose the parking lot, the field or the stands, and try to pick the one special ball, that looks like all the rest.

That’s 1 in 423 billion. And remember, you have to be a great handicapper to even get those odds.

Good luck!

—————-

(for you fellow math nerds, here’s how I calculated it)

A ping pong ball is 1.5748 inches wide, has a volume of apprx 2.05 cubic inches. (sphere volume = 4/3 * pie * radius^3)
So by volume, 845 ping pong balls could fit in a cubic foot (12^3 / 2.05). But there will be space between balls, since they are not cubes.
Maximum packing density for spheres is 74%, so about 625 balls could actually fit in a cubic foot (845 * 0.74).
A football field is 360 feet (100yds + two 10yd endzones) long and 53yds wide (159 ft), so it has 57,240 sq feet.
So on average, each 1 foot deep in ping pong balls the field is, there are 57240 * 625 balls. That’s 35,775,000 balls per foot deep.
There are 32 NFL stadiums, 244 division I stadiums, 157 D2 and 238 D3 stadiums. I generously averaged 30,000 seats per stadium, which is surely way too high (the real number is probably half that, so there could be twice as many balls per seat). The average large car has 120 cubic feet in it. So each car holds about 75,000 balls. All in all, each stadium has about 629,235,000 balls. With 671 stadiums total, we have about 423 billion balls to choose from.

stadiums (671) * [square feet on a field (57240) * balls per cubic foot (625) * depth of balls in feet (5) + average number of seats (30,000) * balls per seat (50) + number of cars at each stadium (6000) * balls per car (75000)]= apprx 423 billion

We parked the pontoon for most of the day. About 2 hours in, we spotted a mangy dog walking along the shore. He was all black and looked like a lab or maybe a retriever. He was checking us out, as we were just a 9iron away. We whistled and called for him and he continued to look us over. Soon though he lost interest and continued walking down the shore.

Ignoring the G.I. Joe public service announcement about stray dogs that I’d seen 20 times as a kid, I grabbed a piece of ham and hopped on one of my friend’s jetskis. I slowly rode over to him. Once I reached shore I could see him much better. He was still 20 feet away and very unsure of me. He was extremely thin and unkempt looking. He cautiously looked at me, unwilling to come over despite my best dog calls.

I gave up on hand feeding him and threw the ham in his direction. He checked it out immediately and scarfed it down just as fast. His demeanor did a 180 and he walked right to me, as if to ask for more. Again, ignoring the GI Joe PSA, I called for him to hop on the jetski. I was as close to the shore as possible. The jetski was resting on the ground but there was still some water between us. He wanted to hop on very badly but was afraid of the 3 foot jump he’d have to make.

What the hell.

I grabbed his front legs and gently pulled him into the 6 inch deep water. Once he understood he could stand he climbed on the jetski with me. My first reaction was ‘wow this is kinda dumb, but fun, and OMG this dog stinks’. Stink isn’t the word for it. Rotten. Filth.

Judging by his extreme slender build, his cautious nature and his putrid smell, I determined he’d been living on his own in the woods for at least a few weeks, if not his whole life.

I took him back to the pontoon (of course) and we all loved on him and fed him more ham. He was shy, cautious and extremely gentle. He never once growled or barked, bit or snipped. He was just scared and hungry. He also never smiled or played. He was tired and laid around a lot, always under a seat in a small tight spot. He had burs in his fur all over. He also had at least one tick and seemed infested with fleas. He was a mangy mutt.

Once it was time to return the pontoon, I either had to take him back to shore and drop him off or take him back to the cabin. For me that was a no-brainer. If he was aggressive or mean, I’d have to have returned him. But come on. This dog needed some love. I cut as many burs out of his fur as I could find and carried him to my truck.

He stunk up my truck and once we got to the cabin I gave him a bath. He didn’t like being wet but once I held him firmly he allowed it. Again, he never got aggressive. After the bath I was able to remove the flea on his eyelid. He smelled good and looked almost like a normal dog.

We kept him in the cabin that night while we had our fun. He behaved well and kept to his gentle, unsure and timid nature. I did the only two tests I know for a dog to be a good pet. I pushed the inside middle of his paw–he didn’t flinch. I put him on his back and put my hand on his neck–he submitted and waited for me to remove it. This guy was a keeper. And keep him I did.

The next day we drove home and I told Brittany about the dog we saw on the shore. “You put him back, right?”

I lied.

I knew once she had a few minutes with him she’d fall in love.

Once I showed him to her and explained how he is as passive as a dog can be, never bit barked or growled and passed both ‘good pet’ tests, she was on board. We hopped on the internet to find a vet that was open on Sundays. We kept him outside while we searched, since he was a walking flea hotel.

Once we found one, we loaded him back in the car. The vet gave him all the tests and to our surprise he was good to go. No heart worm, no Lyme disease and he also tested negative for some other test they give animals who’ve lived in the woods–forget the name. He weighed in at 36lbs and she estimated by his tooth growth that he was 7 to 8 months old. She gave him all his vaccinations. Even during the blood draw and vaccinations, he didn’t have an ounce of aggression in him. In my opinion, anything beat the 100 degree woods. She gave us a spread of medication to kill the fleas and ticks and to get him going to be a healthy dog.

Back in the truck and to the pet store. We got all the basics including a cage for him to sleep in.

As we loaded back into the truck I remember thinking “This guy has no home. He has no normal. He was on the shore, then the jetski, then the pontoon for 5 hours. A short truck ride led him to the cabin for a night. Then a long truck ride put him in my yard. Back in the truck to the vets. Truck. Pet Store (ya he went in). Truck, and now my house again. Finally he’s going to the same place twice. Finally he can have a home. Poor fella.

I am sending a fax to the marina at Barren Lake to put up a “Found” sign. I will be shocked if anyone calls, since he just doesn’t behave like he’s been owned before. He is clueless how to walk on a leash, always going between your legs and tripping you up, and he doesn’t equate outside with potty. Outside was home. That being said, if he is someone’s dog I will return him. But I’m hoping he’s just some stray who got lucky and I’m hoping he’s my pet for the rest of his life.

He did great last night and for the first time, played like a dog is supposed to. It took about 24 hours for him to truly smile. He is slowly shedding his 100% survival mode mentality and starting to become a playful happy puppy.

Oh, I almost forgot. After playing around with names, the guys and I decided the best name was Barren.

Just after having blood drawn for tests:

Getting some much needed rest in the air conditioning

I’m happy to report that I was able to do the most, but we are extending the contest 6 more weeks to see if someone can reach 100. Here are the results:

Me: 56 (up from 25 at begining for +124%)
Brandon: 42 (up from 30 for +38%)
Nick: 39 (up from 12 for +225%)
Liz: 32 (up from 6 for +433%)

Although I ‘won’, we all did really. Everyone lost 5-10lbs and gained muscle. Nick has had 4 back surgeries and is regaining strength at an incredible rate. Brandon has been working out like a mad man for weeks now and has really cut up, and Liz increased her strength by 5x! Liz can do more now than the boys could 6 weeks ago!

I love contests like these. Liz and I are still in the middle of one that has been going on since October09. Whoever doesn’t work out 5 days per week loses. Pride is a good motivator. I suggest you find a friend or three to start a contest. Most pushups after 6 weeks, fastest mile time, no fried food, 5 days a week workout, must do 8min abs everyday–whatever. Don’t go it alone.

Teaser (3/5 diff) 3 coins in hat: Double sided head, dbl tail & 1 head/tail. Blind draw one, you see head. What’s % that other side is head?

The overwhelming majority of people said the answer was 50%. Obviously this is wrong (wouldn’t be much of a teaser would it!). The right answer is 2/3, because you could be looking at 3 different heads and 2 of them have another head on the opposite side.

And despite my best attempts at explanation on twitter, email and text, many people just could not understand how it wasn’t 50%. After all, you’re either holding the double head coin or the regular one, right?

And yes it is true there are only two coins you could be holding, but that doesn’t mean the odds are equal that you’re holding one versus the other. After all, when you hold a lottery ticket in your hand, it can either be a winner or a loser. Certainly that’s not a 50-50 shot!

I was going to simply post a probability chart, but Andy beat me to that last night. FYI he also refernces a 6sided die, one with all 6s on it and one normal. He does this because in one of my tweets trying to explain it I used this example. Look at that chart, it helps explain the solution.

My math mentor taught me long ago that one great way to find the correct answer in a tough question is to exaggerate it, find the answer then un-exaggerate it back to normal and apply the same principles. So let me do that with this problem, but exaggerate it even further than a 6 sided die:

For the coin problem, nearly everyone could agree that the double tailed coin played no role in the solution. It can be ignored, since we see a head on the mystery coin, we know the double tail coin is still in the hat and not in play. So I will use 2 items for my exaggeration:

Imagine you have two decks of cards. They are shuffled but remain seperate from each other. They are rubberbanded to remain intact. So you have two decks of cards, each rubberbanded so their cards cannot mix. One is a normal 52 card deck. The other is a trick deck with all Ace of Spades. 52 aces of spades. Place them in a hat.

You blindly draw one deck out face down (unable to see any of the cards). You randomly pick one card out of the deck and see that it is the ace of spades. What are the chances that you have the trick deck?

The correct answer is 52/53. Since there are 53 AoS in the hat and 52 of them belong to the trick deck. Its an almost lock that you have the trick deck. IF you can agree on this, then you WILL agree on the coin problem. If you don’t agree, I likely cannot explain it to you. However, you’re welcome anytime for a betting game. We’ll do this deck trick and when we don’t get the A0S we’ll start over. When we do, I’ll give you 2 to 1 odds on $100 that you have the normal deck. We can play all night.

Assuming you agree that the deck is more likely the trick deck, let’s slowly unexaggerate it. Take out one card from each deck (be sure to leave the AoS in the normal deck). Now you have 51 in each. Again, if you pull out a deck blindly and see an AoS, surely you can still agree the odds are heavily in favorite of that deck being the trick deck. (51/52).

The KEY is that when you pull that random card out and it is the AoS your odds change drastically from 50-50 on the trick deck to nearly 99%. After all, if you pulled the 4 of hearts, it would be 0%, right?

• Now take one more out. 50 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 50/51 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 49 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 49/50 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 48 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 48/49 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 47 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 47/48 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 46 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 46/47 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 45 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 45/46 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 44 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 44/45 its trick deck.
• ………
• Now take one more out. 5 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 5/6 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 4 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 4/5 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 3 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 3/4 its trick deck.
• Now take one more out. 2 cards in each deck. You draw the AoS. Odds are 2/3 its trick deck.

Now that two card deck is no different (odds-wise) than our two coins. There are just 2 coins with 2 sides each, instead of 2 decks with 2 cards each. In one deck, the two cards were different and one was AoS (same in one coin, one was heads, other was tails) and in another deck, the two cards were same and both the AoS (same in the other coin, the double head).

Still not convinced?

Imagine in our deck problem that you glued the two cards together so their backs were touching and you could see both cards when you flipped it over. There’s your two coins.

The fact that the coins are physical objects does not stop them from possessing two sides each. And the solution still is valid, you could be looking at any of three heads, two of which have a head on the other side.

Finally, if somehow you still don’t believe me. I challenge you to this:

Get 3 sheets of paper.

On paper one write “side A: tails” on one side and “side B: tails” on the other.
On paper two write “side C: tails” on one side and “side D: heads” on the other.
On paper three write “side E: heads” on one side and “side F: heads” on the other

Blindly draw one and randomly pick a side to look at. Write down which letter and value you got as well as what value (heads/tails) was on the other side. Do that about 2000 times.

At the end each letter will show up about 1/6 of the time. For this puzzle, throw out all A, B and Cs, since they are tails and the problem said we saw a head.
Of the remaining 1000 or so, you will find that you have about 1/3 Ds, 1/3 Es and 1/3Fs. And you will see that on all Ds the other side is a tail, on all Es and Fs, the other side is a head. ie 1 tail for every 2 heads, or 2/3.

You will discover that it is in fact 2/3. And if you really did that 2000 times you’d have about 667 successes of the 1000 trials that counted (initial head).

I hope you understand it now, and don’t feel bad if it fooled you. This was a very tricky problem. Had I given the trick deck problem instead, you would have seen it was nearly 99%. The coins fool you into thinking its either coin1 or coin2 and both have equal chances. But remember, that new information that one side is a head changes the odds completely.

It is similar to a lottery drawing. Before the numbers are drawn you have a 1 in 200 million chance of winning. After the first number is drawn, if it matches your card, your odds go up dramatically. They must, because if the number didn’t match, they plummit dramatically (to zero).

Hope that helps, and pass it along. Its a fun one that can trick even the best math people.

1. The top producers pay 35% federal income tax. (source)
2. The top producers pay between 0 and 11% state income tax (source)
3. The top producers pay up to 4% in city taxes (NYC) (source)
4. Top producers pay between 35 – 50% income tax, depending on where they live. (sources above)
5. The median income family pays 4.6% in income tax. (source)
6. 62% of Americans think their tax rate is fair. (source)
7. The top 1% of producers pay 40% of our taxes as a country. (source)
8. The bottom 50% pay less than 3% of our taxes as a country. (source)

Someone please tell me how this is fair. Please tell me why a flat tax isn’t the most fair option.

When you rob Peter to pay Paul (or 10 Pauls), you’re sure to get Paul’s vote. (credit @andyswan)

What you earn is TheIRS’

Atlas will shrug.

On the office:

I spent a few hours after work rigging up a glitter shower above Andy, Seth and Brandon at our mytrade office. I drilled a 1/2 inch hole in the ceiling, put funnels filled with glitter in the ceiling (drop tiled ceiling), stopped up the funnels with a playing card and tied a string to that card. The string fed into another room. When I pulled the string, the card would unstop the funnel and glitter would rain down on the guys. All 3 were set up but unfortunately Andy’s didn’t fire, the funnel had got missaligned. However, Brandon’s and Seth’s did work. The glitter didn’t come out as fast as I’d hoped and they had time to move after the initial hit but that’s the best I could do with a 1/2 inch hole. What’s really funny is that they both noticed the hole but ignored it. haha.

I had Todd film it. He acted as if he was checking out how they have the office laid out for ideas for his office. Lame but it worked. Nick was filming Andy but like I said, his didn’t work

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Side note: I had told my girlfriend that I’d be home by 6 that night, but it took me waaaay longer to set up than I thought. I was busy setting it up when she called a couple times and I had gotten glitter on my face in the process of working on it. So…. I was extra late coming home, I told her I was “working late” and I had glitter on my face. LOL. I know she trusts me but it was pretty funny.

FYI the reason I couldn’t tell her what I was doing is because I didn’t want her to suspect anything. I had plans for her as well:

Ever since I started Jiu Jitsu I’ve been concerned with getting cauliflower ear. It looks terrible and is failry common in wrestling, jiu jitsu and other MMA. You can get it from one very bad injury or many repeated injuries to the ear. So I decided I’d tell her that I had a very bad injury tonight in BJJ class while sparring. My brother helped. He texted her asking why my gym might be calling him, said he missed the call, and asked if I was ok. (he is my emergency contact). I later texted Brittany with a story of how I took a very hard knee to the ear and my ear was extremely damaged. I told her that the owner (an ex-MMA fighter) looked at it and said I’d almost surely have permanent swelling.

Here’s the pic:

After dragging it out a little longer once she got home, I decided to tell her the truth. She wasn’t too happy with me, but eventually came around. I was expecting her to be concerned with dating a deformed troll, but she was actually just concerned for my well-being. That kinda backfired lol.

All in all it was a fun April Fool’s day and I hope to continue next year with something bigger and better. We’ll see!